


An Undiscovered Shakespearean Sonnet?

by Metalkatt



Category: Red Dwarf
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-07-01
Updated: 2010-07-01
Packaged: 2017-10-13 07:26:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/134535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Metalkatt/pseuds/Metalkatt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Why he does what he does.</p>
            </blockquote>





	An Undiscovered Shakespearean Sonnet?

**Author's Note:**

> _**Fic: Red Dwarf: An Undiscovered Shakespearean Sonnet?**_  
> Title: An Undiscovered Shakespearean Sonnet?  
> Genre: Humour (I hope).  
> Characters: R&L, sometime between series 6 and 7.  
> Rating: G/FRC. Total genfic.  
> Summary: Why he does what he does.  
> Warnings: None.  
> Notes: Comments and constructive criticism is appreciated; flames go to keep the boys' engines going.  
> Disclaimer: If I owned these guys, I wouldn't be posting this stuff on the net for no profit. I'd be making cashola hand over fist instead. Grant and Naylor own the characters.  
> 

  


"Ugh. Why do people do that?" Rimmer demanded, nose squinched up in disgust. He leaned back in his chair, distancing himself from the man who was actually considerate enough to throw the tissue away and wash his hands before resuming the card game. "I cannot fathom what sort of disgusting curiosity makes people stare at their own mucus."

"I don't stare at it," Lister defended as he picked up the cards. He reached over for the rag beside him, wiping his forehead with it. He wondered how long it'd take the cooling systems to get working after the repair; much more of this, and he was going to melt. "It started when I was a kid, you see. I used to get these truly horrific nosebleeds. I mean, I'd be sittin' in school, right, doodling little cannons on my physics exercises, and suddenly my nose would start droppin' blood on everything like someone'd shot a hole in me."

The disgust turned to surprise and concern, and Rimmer shifted in his seat as he waited for Lister to make his play. "Didn't they ever take you to a doctor?"

"Oh yeah. See, it's the sinuses. You know how bad I snore; I've had problems with 'em since I was small. I used to be allergic to nearly everything. Tomatoes, peanuts, dental floss, you name it. The doctor said for some reason, I didn't have any resistance to the normal bacteria and allergens on Earth, that I had all these mutated markers. So, they started me on allergy medicine and, um..." He paused for a moment, trying to remember, then clicked his fingers and pointed at Rimmer as the words came back. "Desensitisation therapy, that was it. They had to keep poking me with little bits of all these things to get my body to realise that they weren't gonna hurt me. But, the sinuses were still all scarred up from the problems I'd had when I was little. It's why I started eatin' curries. Gran'd feed 'em to me to get the spices to clear out my nose so I could breathe. I didn't like 'em at first, but when I came to realize that curries equalled the ability to breathe, me tastes changed." He examined his cards for a few moments and made his play, reaching over for his sadly-warm bottle of hard lemonade that Rimmer'd convinced him to drink instead of his usual lager.

Rimmer quickly made his own play, then narrowed his eyes a bit as he scrutinised the man in front of him. "So, it's not just something disgusting, you're trying to make sure you don't have another nosebleed?"

Lister nodded, taking a card from the pile. "It's just sort of habit now, even though I haven't had one in a coupla years. Blood does not make the best lubricant on little metal parts, yanno? It dries out and gets sticky, then crusty and flaky. Bitch to clean off."

Whatever Rimmer was about to say was cut off by the click and whoosh of the forced air system, and he watched amusedly as Lister sprawled out in his chair, trying to expose as much surface area as possible to the cool-ish breeze. He reflected that Lister'd at least been considerate enough to keep his shorts on through the whole debacle, and stood to get the the spray-mister Kryten used on the plants so he could help.

"Rimmer, man, for five minutes, you are the best person in the whole multiverse," he laughed, twisting to get more skin available as Rimmer spritzed him with abandon.

"Just five minutes?" Rimmer arched a brow, an amused smirk on his face.

"It'll start over when you wet me down again." They both laughed at that, and let their amusement blend in with the whoosh and swish of the sounds of life aboard Starbug.


End file.
